promises of the bird and the sea
by kirakiraX
Summary: AU where Umi and Kotori meet in past lives and Umi continues to wait for her there, by the sea. KotoUmi.


_The bird had met the sea so long ago. _

_memories soar through the waves,_

_like as though it was never forgotten,_

_despite the sea's great depth, the darkness that surrounds it, the coldness that seemingly wraps its arms around,_

_creating great fear and terror,_

_the bird was never afraid - the bird was determined to find the treasure that hid deep within the sea,_

_the bird had soothed the loneliness of the sea,_

You don't remember how long it's been.

Has it been years? How many years? How many lifetimes has it been? You couldn't remember.

The only thing you could remember was her.

You've spent all this time staring at the sea, silently, somewhere within your heart, you had hoped that you would meet again. You couldn't help it - it was a desire that was hidden somewhere within you. It was an innate feeling that you couldn't brush off. It was apart of you.

The sea still looked magnificent, it's ravishing waves pushing back and worth, and with stars scattered across the empty night sky - it looked like a picture, a picture you've seen a dozen time, yet it never tired you. It reminded you of her.

"It's beautiful" you state to yourself, despite the fact you knew no-one would hear, it felt like you needed to reaffirm yourself of the world's beauty.

You continued to wait, determination filled your heart. You believed that maybe she would come - she wouldn't leave you alone again. This would be the life that no longer ended in sadness, in cruelty.

You vaguely remember when you were both children, at one point, at one time. Something that occurred long ago, yet you couldn't forget. In this lifetime, you had met as children and grown up together.

"Umi-chan," she stared at you incredulously as she was dressed in an elegant gown while you stood there dressed in your dull, rusted outfit looking at her. "what do you think of the sea?"

You ponder, a small finger on your chin. "It's fine. Why do you ask?"

She turns away to look at the sea. "I think it's wonderful. Don't you think that it's beautiful?" she turns to face you "on the outside, the sea is dark and cold and people are often afraid of it," her gaze softens "but it's truly just lonely, filled with loneliness yet it helps to calm people, fills them with joy, the sea is selfless, despite its pains it will always put others before it," she breaks out into her usual smile "it's amazing…"

You couldn't help but admire the young girl's passionate response. You couldn't help but find that glimmer in her eyes that shone bright into the sky, so captivating. It was forbidden and you knew it - and you tried your hardest to brush it off because you are rational - but love is never rational.

"It's like you Umi-chan," she glances at you and flashes you a grin "you're the sea"

Eyebrows raised and a bemused smile "What about you? What are you then?"

She takes a moment to contemplate before letting out a giggle and looking up into the sky. "I'm a bird!"

"A bird?" You repeat as though you couldn't comprehend the statement. Someone as graceful and elegant as her - would probably be the sun - that shines brightly amongst the dim sky.

"I'm not as magnificent as you. I will always try to flap my wings and I will still not be able to fly" she lets out a frail smile that seemingly breaks your heart. You frown at the sullen sight and you hold her by the shoulders turning her to face you.

"Birds sing beautifully. People will always listen to birds - their songs speak the loudest. They are passionate about what they want - they want to fly. They have dreams, they are determined, they are sweet and they are beautiful," your gaze softens on the girl and you notice that her eyes are hazy "birds are meant to be loved and to be free."

The beautiful girl looks at you and you feel yourself melting into her tenderness. "I… would be a sea bird, so I could always stay with the sea! Umi-chan, maybe I can be a sea bird one day! "

You smile at her. "You have a sweet singing voice, what about a nightingale?"

She frowns for a second and shakes her head. "I'll be a sea bird just to be with you, Umi-chan."

Your eyes widened and soften and you smile. "If you're a sea bird, I'll always protect you" you state to her and she grins joyously in return and whispers "Oh, Umi-chan!"

You turn away, trying to cover up a rising blush, "Ok, sea bird, let's go back" and she nods and takes you by the hand, as you admire her as she gazes out towards the sea.

She looks at you with a pout and your heart is melting, your heart belongs to her "Then can we meet by the sea again?"

You smile tenderly at her "We'll meet here again," you look at the sea "I promise"

There were many life times where it was mostly happy. You had both blissfully lived out most of the lifetime together with love flourishing in both of your hearts, yet there were ones where you were simply friends as you chased a one-sided love but it had started off peacefully thus you were glad nonetheless, at least you have pleasant memories to remember her by. Those were the ones you cherished most - the ones that you kept close to your heart, the ones that kept you going through hardships.

In one lifetime you are both apart of an idol group called muse. You cherish this lifetime the most because it has brought together the most precious memories. You were the most stern in this lifetime, and it wasn't your fault - you were brought up that way. You had loving but strict parents who had taught you well, and you tried to instil that into your friends - unsuccessfully, but you adored them anyways, deep inside your heart.

"Umi-chan," she states in an upbeat tone "what was homework?" she states innocently as she flashes you the same sweet smile that always manages to capture your heart.

You give her a stern look and cross your arms. "Not you too, Kotori. Honoka already has my maths book." you shake your head and say unrelentingly "you shouldn't forget your homework."

She looks down as though in guilt, and you feel bad - you feel terrible, like a criminal, no matter in what lifetime, you never wanted her to feel sad. "Kot-

"No, you're right, Umi-chan!" she states enthusiastically and your eyes widened "I will do it for you!" she turns around, in a pirouette motion and flashes you a dazzling smile which makes your heart melt.

"The live is coming soon, and I need to get my work done so I will study hard," theres a determined nod "I want to be able to work with everyone in muse but I have to be responsible with my work too"

You couldn't help but let out a soft smile. You felt proud. You knew that the bird was always adamant and dedicated despite her calm and sweet demeanour. You've known her for a lifetime so of course you would.

"I'm glad," you look at her "let's go get my maths book from Honoka and after that we can visit the sea" she nods and you smile.

Those were the precious moments you had with your friends, and of her.

However out of the memories you had of her, the ones that retained in your mind was that of her performing - with everyone in muse.

You are performing a live on stage with your other members whom you treasure very much, whom despite their difference had managed to all come together to perform for the joy of your fans.

You turn around and you see their brilliant smiles as the crowds cheers once again. You see the lavish amount of blue, orange, yellow, red, pink, purple, white and green, spread across the crowd, like the sea, and you can't help but smile in gratitude that the fans were expressing their endearment to muse through the glow sticks. You could hear the roars coming from the audience as they yell out to cheer everyone on.

You turn to face the one person you've waited for so long.

There's a gleaming smile on her soft features that radiates across the stage. She looked like an angel on stage as she walks across it, twirling around to the beat of the song. It had seemed that she noticed you looking as she turned to you and flashes you a reassuring smile. Despite all of your anxiety, watching her from afar had calmed you down. You've always done this - no matter which lifetime you were in, her presence brought you tranquility.

A wave of white glow-sticks emerge from the cheering fans who were feverishly waving it around as you watched from the stage. You were proud, you were glad as you watched her joyous expressions and her movements on stage - the effort she and everyone else had put into the performances.

She then approaches you and takes your hand and whispers very gently "Don't be afraid," the usual sweet smile that you've seen timelessly "Let's go Umi-chan, everyone's waiting" and you smile warmly - the warmest smile you've ever made. Everyone, your friends, were waiting for you on stage, each one with an exuberant and warm expression, welcoming you - comforting your loneliness.

This was the life you would never forget. It brought many happy and bittersweet memories but nonetheless it was the one that taught you the most.

However there were many life times that were incredibly painful. They served a reminder of the promises you made, the ones you kept and failed to keep. They caused great despair, yet they were the ones that had stained your memories - the ones you couldn't erase even if you tried. Those memories were bound to you - it was retribution for your failure, yet you don't completely despise it, you still cherished it as it was of her.

You couldn't keep your promise this life. In this lifetime, she was a princess, one so elegant and regal, you could not compare, yet she never looked at you differently, she cherished you and kept you close to her. You, who has put your responsibilities before your love, your affections - had tried with all your might to be her protector, to keep a distance as a result to your duty yet to watch over her and tend to her like an injured bird. However, you failed her - failed to keep that promise you made so many life times ago, failed to protect the bird.

"Umi-chan," she's shivering and you could feel your heart racing and your head in a frenzy "it's ok, Umi-chan" she smiles to reassure you. "I'm fine"

Your eyes narrow, and you feel anger rising through your body. You are a failure. You didn't keep your promise. "Lady Minami-

"Please…" she urges with her melodic voice, a voice you've grown accustomed to - a flower that had sprouted in your heart and stayed.

"Lady Minami, I have failed you," you feel your nails digging into your skin as you grasp her gown in desperation "I-

"No, please, Umi-chan." desperation and agony is laced in her usually gentle tone "It's not your fault." she looks at you, sullen amber coloured eyes that once held life were now replaced with dark, dull ones that held pain.

It is your fault. You cannot help but press onto this fact. It was your responsibility. You have failed everyone. Most importantly you have failed her. The sea has failed to protect the bird it had promised so long ago to.

"It is my fault!" you could tell your tone was raised and you did not do so on purpose, your emotions had gotten the better of you once again. You could feel your hands trembling, shaking at your anguish. You were breathing rapidly, your eyes stung like fire and your throat felt constricted. At your despair, you could feel her frail, soft yet cold hands on your own and you look down to see her feeble smile, trying her best to comfort you, despite the fact she was the one who had held more pain than you.

"You've always left first," you glance up at the sky in an attempt to clear your thoughts and grip harder onto her gown as though praying she wouldn't leave this time "You always do. Why is it never me?" your tone laced in desperation and agony, something unfamiliar to you, as though questioning fate as to why it would be so cruel as to let her go first when you would sacrifice yourself in her sake. She had always left first - the bird had always left the sea first. In every lifetime she would leave, and every time she did, it had consumed you with misery and heartache.

She weakly smiles at you, her frail hands touching yours in an attempt to ease your torment, "Promise me one thing," she asks in a whisper as she coughs into her hand, blood covering her once porcelain hands that held so much life. You wished that you were in her position so that you could suffer in her place. You wished that this was brought upon you. You had prefer the lifetimes where she was smiling, where you grew up happily and whether or not you were happy did not matter - it was hers that was important.

"Anything." You whimper as you grasp tighter onto the piece of silk fabric between your hands. It felt like an eternity, this suffering, yours and hers was never going to end. You knew that you would never forget this and it will haunt you for the rest of eternity.

"We'll meet again here, by the sea" she whispers "in our next life" her eyes are soft as silk which were getting hazy due to the soft bitter tears forming in her lifeless eyes. You could feel your heart breaking yet you nod, complying with her wish, biting down on your lips in an attempt to control yourself. You did not wish for this life to end like this, you did not want to say goodbye. You wanted to be with her for the rest of this lifetime, oh cruel fate, how was it that you wanted to continue to love her but the abyss of fate did not allow so.

You could feel the warm, stinging drops similar to the raindrops on a rainy day, trickling against your cool skin, it burnt like fire in an endless pit. You had tried so hard not to cry - not to allow your emotions to defeat your pride, but this, this is agonising, torturous, a pain you could never get used to. You, for the first time in this lifetime, you held up your cold, rough hands that have gone through many adversities and place it on her soft, tender cheeks, in an attempt to remember her warmth. You then glance, tenderly at her, as though trying burn the image of her soft smiling face into your mind for all of eternity. You muster all the strength you have left to mutter a soft, tender;

"I…I promise, we will meet again here," her eyes were watering as she was smiling as though comforting your never-ending loneliness and you realise that this was truly goodbye, as you feel the tears continuously burning your skin "in our next life"

The soft, gentle breeze flows through your long cobalt blue hair as you stare out at the moving waves that seemingly reached out to you. It's mesmerising, just like her amber coloured eyes that you've grown familiar with and you move your hands in the grainy sands - desperate to distance your thoughts from her - however it does not avail and you are forced to close your eyes shut. It pains you. You had failed to keep that promise yet why do you wish for her to keep her promise?

How long are you going to wait? You do not know, yet deep inside your chilled heart that you've kept to yourself, you can only wonder helplessly. You wrap your arms around yourself in response to the chilly breeze that's come past and your slender fingers feel rigid due to the coldness, yet you exert all your determination and pride to keep going - how long are you going to last, dear sea?

How long are you going to continue waiting?

You look around to see no-one. You are alone. You have lost most of the warmth from your body. Yet you are used to it - you have always lost people, and the most devastating lost, was her. You feel your hands shaking due to the crispy breeze coming in from the cold dark sea. Somewhere deep inside your heart you knew that giving up was for the best - but your heart wouldn't allow such a thing - you are a person of your word, you are not one to give up.

That's what you said, one time, one lifetime. You promised to meet her here, at this very same sea, once again. This was the only promise you were able to keep. It was bittersweet because in this lifetime the bird had left the sea by choice, yet it was something that you continually held onto desperately.

"Maybe," theres a silence "in our next life, we'll meet again" she says hesitating , eyes in a frenzy and delicate pale hands trembling. Her creamy white dress was flowing against the breeze created by the sea. You stood across from her - a distance you couldn't close, no matter how many lives. You were dressed in a sailor suit. You were both standing by the very same sea.

You stare at her, eyes misty yet legs firmly planted into the ground as you muster all the strength to be composed. "We'll meet here for sure."

Her bright, doe-like amber eyes blink for a second as though she was surprised of your response. "Umi-chan, you-

"We'll meet again, I'm sure," you look her right in the eyes, fragility displayed in your never waving eyes. "We have…and we will once again," your eyes determined "I promise you, I will never give up."

She lets out a soft smile and whispers "I'm sure you won't," she looks out into the same sea and looks back at you "so this is goodbye?" she croaks as she tries to not break down by turning away from you as she faces the sea.

Goodbye. It is such a cruel word. It's ironic, goodbye's were never good. She's had to say goodbye to her so many times that she's lost count. They were always hard - they were painful, soul crushing and pain inducing. They never brought happiness. They separated paths, they caused despair and they caused you to feel like you have failed again, and again.

There's a silence and you let out a bitter smile as you whisper "It's goodbye"

Oh, how you wished you didn't have to bid farewell. You would have rather stayed with her and gaze at the sea together. Maybe this time would have been happy, this farewell would have not been forever. Maybe this time you could have protected her and stayed by her side like the sea protects the bird but you couldn't.

Yet you could've moved on - it's something in the past - something that occurred so long ago. You could have saved yourself the sorrow of remembering, to forget is the easier route.

You wouldn't let memories of her go, the only things you held onto - Is that why you persist to wait for her?

You smile to yourself. "You're supposed to be the sea, you're as beautiful as the sea" but she is not as cold nor as dark as the sea. She does not envelop those who come close to her, no she doesn't. She's definitely a bird, she's small, defenceless and fragile - yet she has the biggest heart, she sings the loudest - no matter what you'll always listen to her.

However, birds are not meant to be caged. Their sweet songs, their tender feathers, their determination are too precious to be caged, and thus,

the little bird will always fly out of its cage and you will always have to let it go. The bird would no longer need the sea, it's ties were no longer of importance. It had grown and had flew off without the sea.

_the bird was never meant to be trapped,_

_despite trying its hardest to allow its confinement to the sea - due to love ,_

_It was never meant to be caged,_

_the bird was born to be free,_

_the bird had over time forgotten how to fly,_

_and the sea had guided it to safety - had soothed its wounds,_

_but it's fate was that it will not be confined by the sea,_

_it will fly away from the sea one day,_

_and the sea will watch and allow the bird freedom,_

_because the sea loves the bird,_

_and the bird also loves the sea,_

_but the sea was captive to its burden and the bird was set free,_

There's soft shuffling of the yellow coloured sand and you turn around. The wind fights you, as its strong current tries to deter you from turning around. It burns against your skin yet you fight it - it doesn't burn as much as what you felt every time she left whether it be by fate or by choice.

Your eyes widened, as disbelief courses through you, you couldn't believe your eyes. You could feel your body becoming warmer and your hands quivering against the soft sands beneath your rough hands.

"Are you ok, miss?" the soft, angelic voice resonates through you. You could feel your heart thrashing against your ribcage - as though it had wanted to get out. It was so familiar - so close that you felt as though you could feel it through the tips of your fingers. It was the same voice that you've heard for many lifetimes, the same one that caused great heartbreak yet the same one that caused great love for you.

The stranger lets out a gentle smile and holds out an outreached hand. You've been waiting for this for so long, it didn't feel real. It felt as though it was a dream that you would awaken from in disappointment. You hesitate, your cold, frozen hands tremble under her dazzling gaze.

You couldn't bear to look at the stranger's eyes directly as though doing so would blind you. Yet, you take her hands, soft as silk and you cherish its warmth - something you had become unfamiliar with over time. As her hands let go, you feel the immediate yearning for the familiar warmth as your hands fall in its place by your sides. You missed her warmth that you've tried so desperately to remember - to cherish despite all your agony.

She flashes you the familiar smile and says softly "What are you doing here so late, miss?" the words hit you like a train, _miss_, it wasn't 'Umi-chan', anymore.

"I'm admiring the sea," you turn to face the sea "I think it's wonderful. Don't you think it's beautiful?"

She nods in response and replies "Yeah it is!"

"A little bird once told me that the sea was truly just lonely, isolated from people as it was feared due to it's outer qualities. The sea is dark and cold and that's why people are hesitant to become close to it," you look at her and she's watching you intently "but it calms people, fills them with joy despite it's struggles, it puts others first"

She breaks into a soft smile. "I... I think I can see that" and you turn to face her.

You smile. "You're the little tattered bird," you smile "that had over time flown far away from its sea"

She tilts her head in confusion, eyes widened "Bird? Sea?," she smiles meekly "what do you mean, miss?" her soft voice echoing throughout the once empty sea.

The realisation hits you like a train. She does not remember all the memories that you've had with her. All the lifetimes that you were together, the ones were you grew up together, the ones where you were in love, the ones where you made friends, the ones where she died - those were the worst and the ones where she left. You let out a bitter smile. You had never forgotten her and you had prayed that she never forgot you. It was like this every lifetime, you had built up memories and you were the only one to remember them. You were forced to live your life, burdened with the past, while she was free. You were the sea that held darkness and she was the bird let free out of the cage. She was not overwhelmed with the memories of the lifetimes that had caused great grief to you, no - yet the memories of her dying had burnt themselves into your skin, you spent your time staring out at the sea as a means of trying to forget yet you couldn't. It was a curse, a retribution for not saving her those times - that is what you believe, you will never let that go.

You promise that in this lifetime you will protect her even if it means your demise, that you will put her happiness before your own, that you will let her go if she wants. You will always love her, through hardship and through happiness - you will love her for all eternity.

You couldn't keep that one promise but you had made sure you kept this one. You could feel your eyes getting misty once again but you muster all your strength to let out a smile because you cannot be selfish. She had kept her promise and you cannot allow your emotions to overcome you. You must keep composed as your hands struggle to keep still by your sides, your eyes are misting and your throat tightens. It was causing you great heartbreak but you have experienced this so many times before with her, so you must be collected and composed - you must be the mature one, you must withhold all your emotions - for her sake.

You realise that this is the cycle of fate, the bird and the sea will always meet but will never close the gap that fills their sorrow, that no matter how many times you promise to meet her at the sea, she will always end up leaving, because that is the fate of the bird, and you will be forced to watch and mourn over this, because this is the fate of the sea.

"Are you ok?" she asks you, eyes laced with concern as she reaches out to you and your hands burn at her touch.

You reply with a tender smile, seemingly trying to soothe her concern. "I'm fine"

You've been in denial this whole time - for all of eternity. You had realised that the promises you had made with her throughout your lifetimes were a desperate attempt to stop her from leaving, for her to finally stay, for her to finally remember you - but it was futile. You had believed that in this lifetime, she would finally remember you, she would finally stay, but truth be told, she will never remember you and she will always leave. It was the cruel fate of the bird and the sea - a fate you wished was never bestowed upon you and her, yet it is a fate you will have to accept.

"A bird that no longer remembers the sea," you finally look at her directly in her mesmerising eyes that you had sorrowfully missed "I'm here like I promised," you feel your voice quivering as you mutter the last few words and you smile bitterly. "Kotori"

_And despite how far the bird's gone,_

_from the sea,_

_a red string of thread that bounds you two together,_

_continues to keep your fates intertwined,_

_a cycle that continues to create anguish and hope,_

_as the bird will no longer remember,_

_the sea._

* * *

A/N: The story is about Umi and Kotori making promises to meet in their next life and Umi makes a solemn promise to protect Kotori for all of eternity. Kotori and Umi had met in past lives and after each one ended, Kotori would be the first one to leave Umi alone, like the bird leaves the sea. Kotori would no longer have memories of their past lives while Umi was burdened with their past especially the ones where Kotori left through death. It's a cycle of their cruel fate in which despite their happy times and sad times, it will repeat, as the string of fate binds the bird and the sea together no matter if the bird leaves by choice or by force, so they will continuously meet, and Umi will forever love Kotori and Kotori loves Umi also, but only Umi will remember everything they've been through and Kotori will chase for freedom because its in the birds nature as she tries to escape out of the cage (of life), and Umi will have to let her go everytime as all the sea can do is comfort and cherish the bird.

The reason Umi remembers all their past lives is because the ones where Kotori dies/gets hurt are the ones that are engraved into her and as a result she remembers those most vividly (she feels responsible, so she feels that her suffering by remembering is her punishment), thus she remembers all their past lives while Kotori doesn't have to live with that burden and is "free" like a bird, not tied down by the painful past.

Umi makes promises with Kotori as an attempt for her meet her so she can stop this from happening - from kotori leaving - from her suffering, but fate be it that Kotori and Umi will meet and be happy, and it will always end sad with Kotori leaving because its the fate of the bird and the sea.


End file.
